Illuminating the Darkness
When I started this journey, I had no clue that I would end up here, at 1:04 AM writing this blog post, but hey, here I am—and here you are reading it. It’s interesting that at the beginning of this new chapter in my life my mind is drawn to the very beginning. I think about that 11 year old kid who was excited to get her first tarot deck. It was Greek themed, and oh yeah, I studied the book that came with it until the bindings fell off. What would you expect out of a precocious Gemini? I remember the wonder and magic of looking at those images, of pulling cards and trying to make sense of this inner knowing that suddenly blossomed inside of me. Those are sun dappled memories of a childhood long past, and now, I’m much further along my path now.
It has been many years that has led me to this moment, and right now, my mind wants to replay the highlights. Not all of them are fit for public consumption, but there are a few. When I was eight years old, I remember playing hide-and-seek with my family. I was hiding in a closet. I closed my eyes and covered them with my hands, and I kept thinking, “I’m not here. I’m not here.” I heard someone enter the room, and the door opened. I remember distinctly the feeling of light on my body, and the coats and clothes on the hangers above me were pushed aside. I just kept thinking, “I’m not here. I’m not here.” Over and over again, I chanted that in my head with my eyes and face covered. I remember hearing a huff of annoyance as the closet was closed back up. I lowered my hand, and I was confused but delighted. Somehow, I had escaped being found. After everyone else in my family was found, they shouted for me, and I waited for a while. I wanted them to be close by when I did. I remember the mischievous thrill of waiting for them. When I stepped out of the closet door, I remember being asked, “Were you in there the whole time?” “Yeah.” “But, I opened that door and looked?” Oh well, guess you weren’t looking hard enough, or maybe, was there something else going on?
That memory stays with me, and it’s one of the first memories I can recall when I think about how unusual and magical the world really is.
When I was sixteen, I had one epic nose bleed that preceded the ripening of what I now call my intuitive gifts. I remember that day so clearly where I was walking through the mall, and I suddenly realized that all the noise inside my head was actually coming from the people around me. That was startling to realize! What was even more startling was actually finding myself capable of accepting that as my newly expanded reality. I struggled with that for a while, but eventually, the more and more I trusted my intuition, those feelings and thoughts that would not quit, the more confirmation the universe provided me.
Universe: Hey, Mel, I know your wondering what the hell is going on, but trust me, it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to work out for you. Promise.
Me: Ohmanohmanohman, what the hell is going on…really? Is this real? Yes, no, wait, uhhhh…..
Eventually, I got past that part and just decided it was easier to accept it all as real and be open to being proven wrong, so now, I’m here. All those precious little seeds of hope, seeds of dreaming, have finally brought me to this stage of my life. Astrologers would say that I’m right on time, but it feels like it has been an amazingly long journey leading up to this moment. In some ways though, it feels like I was only just that 9 year old kid playing hide-and-seek.
Whether or not you know this, all of us have been planting little seeds throughout our lives. We’ve been sowing them in unexpected ways, but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t intended. I look back at all my experiences, and now, I can see how all those beautiful moments weave together to create this network of illuminated threads that lead me to right now. Those seeds I’ve been planting are finally starting to bloom, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
With Grace and Warmth,
Melanie, Sacred Star Mystic